...

" I woke up in tears .. 

  I woke up in pain today..

Memories are so strong and so blurry at the same time, the feelings of them are the only thing that stay when my eyes are wide open. I don't remember a thing, but I feel everything

I'm tired... 

I'm tired of feeling pain.

I know it too damn well, it no longer makes me feel alive...it makes me close my eyes.

[I don't want it anymore]

[-What my child ? ]

[To continue ]

I laugh and I cry at the same time, I'm starting to lose myself in this greyness , no more dark, no longer light, it's just senseless flat gray around me, why should I even try to try to understand

and there he is .. he opens his eyes --- gray as the place i'm in, and offers his hand to me... he tells me to go on, to take his hand.. he smiles, he sighs ... he tries to make me understand that i can feel good too... And all I can do is stay on the floor and cry , stay as far away as possible from this grey eyes entity

three hours of some sort of "aching attack" and noise... 

[ we cry, we laugh, we panic, we try to stay alive ... we try not to at all]

"I'm having a bad time" with no glowing blue eyes 

but "flowers all around me" start to cut the air I breathe 

I want to get out but I don't want to move, I need to shout out loud but nothing comes out.

family loses her head, the room is a mess... she wants me to stay, as I want to leave...he wants me to hang on as I want to let go, and the little angel cries with me and hugs me as hard as she can so I can't hurt myself.

I'm tired.. sir

I want to sleep. "